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Script to Screen: Story Layout 01
After a conversation and some more thought I have finally managed to narrow down the mind maps into two story ideas that I think I can work with. I'm happy that I managed to draw away from the setting being in a prison that I felt made the idea feel generic and easy, whereas with these ideas I feel I can manipulate the layout or the tone to see how it effects the final piece, although I still have a way to go with characters, conflict, story layout and ending. Feedback is still appreciated.
OGR 08/02/2019
ReplyDeleteHey Odin, God of Thunder...
Okay - so yes, your storyboard is feeling long, but I think that's largely due to the fact that you've expanded your action scenes into close-detail - I think the only real way to know if you're story can be revised further (shots compressed or excised completely) is if you now move to getting it onto. timeline in Premiere and dealing with the actual duration of your shots. Montages for example can look 'long' on a storyboard, but are traditionally really fast ways of moving action forwards, so I don't think I can make a useful judgement looking at your boards. What I can tell you is, come the animatic, you will need to better differentiate your characters, as I began to find it difficult to 'find Dave' in some of the busier scenes.
In terms of character design, I think you need to embrace a higher level of stylisation and exaggeration, so look at these types of references for a bit more confidence in terms of shapes, simplification and clean linework:
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/505880970626203602/?lp=true
http://livlily.blogspot.com/2011/03/batman-tv-series-19921995-model-sheety.html
The same is true of your environments and props - something a little more bold, a little more 'noir', a little more graphical?
https://imgur.com/a/mbVbX
You've got dialogue in your film - check out this site for some ideas re. working with actual voice over talent ... https://www.fiverr.com
Finally - argh! That background on your OGR document - my eyes! It's not a golden rule exactly, but when the background dominates the content - the background is wrong. I think you need to establish a stronger visual identity for this project, which might then help you design for it more holistically - I think the noir stylings of the Batman series might be a useful muse for you considering the tone and theme of your story.