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@PHIL Fantastic Voyage: Script 01 and Improvements
This is my first script for my Fantastic Voyage project on Evolution and Variation. I have tried to keep the script short and the story to the point in hopes of bulking up what I have here, rather than trying to shorten down a bigger story like what occurred in Script to Screen. I have tried to base my story in the same style as games like Animal Crossing or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon in terms of layout, so sections in the script for GAMEPLAY will mean that the style of the story will shift more to a gaming style, compared to a CUT SCENE, that will play out more in the style of a traditional animated story. This is because I want my project to lean more on Lets Play videos on Youtube, so the style of the story I want to take inspiration from Story based games like Animal Crossing, but still have a core story and plot to them. I feel the script might need some more tweaking, especially near the end, but I want some feedback first to see if the main story is okay while I start...
OGR 08/02/2019
ReplyDeleteHey Odin, God of Thunder...
Okay - so yes, your storyboard is feeling long, but I think that's largely due to the fact that you've expanded your action scenes into close-detail - I think the only real way to know if you're story can be revised further (shots compressed or excised completely) is if you now move to getting it onto. timeline in Premiere and dealing with the actual duration of your shots. Montages for example can look 'long' on a storyboard, but are traditionally really fast ways of moving action forwards, so I don't think I can make a useful judgement looking at your boards. What I can tell you is, come the animatic, you will need to better differentiate your characters, as I began to find it difficult to 'find Dave' in some of the busier scenes.
In terms of character design, I think you need to embrace a higher level of stylisation and exaggeration, so look at these types of references for a bit more confidence in terms of shapes, simplification and clean linework:
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/505880970626203602/?lp=true
http://livlily.blogspot.com/2011/03/batman-tv-series-19921995-model-sheety.html
The same is true of your environments and props - something a little more bold, a little more 'noir', a little more graphical?
https://imgur.com/a/mbVbX
You've got dialogue in your film - check out this site for some ideas re. working with actual voice over talent ... https://www.fiverr.com
Finally - argh! That background on your OGR document - my eyes! It's not a golden rule exactly, but when the background dominates the content - the background is wrong. I think you need to establish a stronger visual identity for this project, which might then help you design for it more holistically - I think the noir stylings of the Batman series might be a useful muse for you considering the tone and theme of your story.