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Script to Screen: Story Layout 01
After a conversation and some more thought I have finally managed to narrow down the mind maps into two story ideas that I think I can work with. I'm happy that I managed to draw away from the setting being in a prison that I felt made the idea feel generic and easy, whereas with these ideas I feel I can manipulate the layout or the tone to see how it effects the final piece, although I still have a way to go with characters, conflict, story layout and ending. Feedback is still appreciated.
OGR 22/11/2018
ReplyDeleteHey Odette,
So - first things first: a really content-rich OGR that messages clearly your 100% commitment to this new project and taking on a lot of the feedback from the previous project and running with it! In general terms, I like your final composition - I like the view... but what it does is focus our attention on the ground, which means I think you need to make much more of it as a design element and pull it under the influence of your artist. I gave similar advice to Liv:
https://oliviaricher.blogspot.com/2018/11/what-if-ogr-part-2.html
If you look at city planning etc, you'll see that routes, paths and roadways are all part of the patterning:
https://www.123rf.com/photo_80501733_view-from-a-plane-of-the-thorpe-interchange-junction-between-the-m25-and-m3-motorways-in-south-west-.html
http://www.sportingintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Dubai-from-the-air.jpg
I think you need to embrace this 'patterning of paths' idea as a feature element of your view - and I think it makes sense if you look again at some of Kandinsky's paintings for ideas about the sort of shapes and geometry you could utilise. The one quality your concept art has right now is that it all seems highly organic and I think you need to think about 'city-fying' it up - so thinking about streets, pavements, paving and those kind of surfaces; it looks at the moment as if all your little dwellings are sitting on a ploughed field or mud and I think you should reconsider this.
Another feeling I have is that you're not necessarily showing yet that Opera house has this specific or special influence. One way perhaps to think about communicating this visually is to consider changing the time of day at which we're encountering your set; if this was an evening scene, with the opera house radiating light or 'specialness' in someway, perhaps we could feel the importance of music to the city more immediately?
So - in summary - well done. I find your attention to detail very satisfying in terms of all the little bits of working out, but I do think there's a bit more 'working out' to do to bring all that ground into the image more proactively and more decoratively (i.e. design that bit too) and I think the key to achieving that might be to look at Kandinsky's paintings for potential patterns and routes.