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This is my first script for my Fantastic Voyage project on Evolution and Variation. I have tried to keep the script short and the story to the point in hopes of bulking up what I have here, rather than trying to shorten down a bigger story like what occurred in Script to Screen. I have tried to base my story in the same style as games like Animal Crossing or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon in terms of layout, so sections in the script for GAMEPLAY will mean that the style of the story will shift more to a gaming style, compared to a CUT SCENE, that will play out more in the style of a traditional animated story. This is because I want my project to lean more on Lets Play videos on Youtube, so the style of the story I want to take inspiration from Story based games like Animal Crossing, but still have a core story and plot to them. I feel the script might need some more tweaking, especially near the end, but I want some feedback first to see if the main story is okay while I start...
OGR 22/11/2018
ReplyDeleteHey Odette,
So - first things first: a really content-rich OGR that messages clearly your 100% commitment to this new project and taking on a lot of the feedback from the previous project and running with it! In general terms, I like your final composition - I like the view... but what it does is focus our attention on the ground, which means I think you need to make much more of it as a design element and pull it under the influence of your artist. I gave similar advice to Liv:
https://oliviaricher.blogspot.com/2018/11/what-if-ogr-part-2.html
If you look at city planning etc, you'll see that routes, paths and roadways are all part of the patterning:
https://www.123rf.com/photo_80501733_view-from-a-plane-of-the-thorpe-interchange-junction-between-the-m25-and-m3-motorways-in-south-west-.html
http://www.sportingintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Dubai-from-the-air.jpg
I think you need to embrace this 'patterning of paths' idea as a feature element of your view - and I think it makes sense if you look again at some of Kandinsky's paintings for ideas about the sort of shapes and geometry you could utilise. The one quality your concept art has right now is that it all seems highly organic and I think you need to think about 'city-fying' it up - so thinking about streets, pavements, paving and those kind of surfaces; it looks at the moment as if all your little dwellings are sitting on a ploughed field or mud and I think you should reconsider this.
Another feeling I have is that you're not necessarily showing yet that Opera house has this specific or special influence. One way perhaps to think about communicating this visually is to consider changing the time of day at which we're encountering your set; if this was an evening scene, with the opera house radiating light or 'specialness' in someway, perhaps we could feel the importance of music to the city more immediately?
So - in summary - well done. I find your attention to detail very satisfying in terms of all the little bits of working out, but I do think there's a bit more 'working out' to do to bring all that ground into the image more proactively and more decoratively (i.e. design that bit too) and I think the key to achieving that might be to look at Kandinsky's paintings for potential patterns and routes.