2000 Word Essay: Draft 01

This is my first draft for my 2000 word essay, and because I wanted to upload this with images this won't be the final layout for the essay and I need to place the images between the paragraphs and alter the word spacing for the final draft. The word count for this is 2,015, so I might have to compress some of the paragraphs if I want to improve it or alter some instead for the final draft. 

Comments

  1. tutorphilApril 1, 2019 at 8:41 AM

    Hi Odette - okay, so I think you need to look again at the 'project' of this assignment, so rephrasing your question; I still think there's a hard-headedness about your premise that seems overwrought to me: so maybe something more like . 'In what ways might Snowpiercer be considered an allegory for Marxist ideas?' There's still that very goal-driven aspect here where you're locking down a definitive reading of the film, where I think you need to keep things more playful and speculative. At times too, some of your phrasing is clunky, and I think it's because you're writing how you're speaking - can I suggest you read this essay outloud to yourself, as this will flag up very quickly any awkwardness of phrasing.

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